Boredom and Beyond

A reader writes:

"Boredom is very much on my mind in the last few weeks because I am finally in a job where I am not bored, where I am in fact quite challenged. It took me a long time to move out of boredom in my work but it's only in the last weeks that I've recognized how much of a factor boredom was and is in the way I structure my life.

Before this job, when my income-producing job was boring me, I filled in the holes by taking on far too many extra projects all at once. For example, in the year that I planned my geographically remote, formal wedding for 300 people without any help, I also ran my massage therapy business, my husband's and my real-estate business (including a nasty eviction just before the wedding), and held down a 36-hour a week "day job." That was far too much--but I wasn't bored! I sought out and accepted enormous stress and constant crises in lieu of boredom. I was fired up! I was having fun! But it was too much all at once.

Now I am in a job that is exciting (also pays well) and I feel interested in waking up and going to work, I am not bored, but I also work absurd hours (10-12 daily), commute 3 hours, still have a real-estate business (weekends), as well as regular family commitments. I don't exercise or relax as much as I want to and my friendships are suffering. I also don't do all the things I love like painting, reading, exploring new things, hanging out with my husband. In other words, all the aspects of a balanced life are on hold or completely off my radar as I explore this new sensation of not being bored at work and being compensated appropriately.

I am writing to you about this because my challenge currently is similar but different to the questions you pose below about being stuck in boredom. I am not so much stuck in boredom as I am stuck in fear of boredom. In an attempt to avoid boredom at any cost, I am running myself ragged, compromising my health, friendships, family, and extensive varied interests. I am now challenging myself to learn the balance between excitement and relaxation, challenge and peacefulness. I haven't figured out the rhythm just yet, but I will get there, and be well-compensated for my efforts too! Thanks for the opportunity to think about boredom's place in my life.

Thanks, ARQ"

Dear ARQ,

Thank YOU for articulating so clearly what many of us experience today. We are surrounded by exhortations to be and do all that we can be and do, yet there is little guidance or support for discerning what will constitute our unique, authentic and full life. Afraid of falling short of the mark, we crowd our lives with activity. The key word here is "afraid," for when we are afraid we tend to contract, to pull in our sensors, project our fears and cling leech-like to familiar strategies no matter how crazy-making and ineffective.

The first step out of the mess is to simply acknowledge that this pattern is fear-driven. Once you've identified the fear, you can assess it and lower the volume. (See my articles on managing Fear in the newsletter archives.)

It is also crucially important to have a positive image of what you want to replace the fear. Do you have a mental image of how it would be to be fully engaged (not bored), very well compensated, AND have time for health, wellness, family, spirit, etc? Certainly such images are few and far between in our culture at large, and that may be part of why many of us swing between boredom and overcommitment.

One way to begin creating a mental image of that engaged, satisfying and sustainable life is to ask yourself: "If I were NOT afraid of boredom, what choices might I make? What do I really value and want, right here, right now?"