I am not being the way I am supposed to be

I am not being the way I am supposed to be.
Is it true?
No.

How do I react when I believe that I am not being the way I am supposed to be?
I leave my immediate experience and go into thoughts about my experience. I imagine that I know what other people think about me. I imagine that other people want me to be different. I imagine that I would be happier if I were the way other people want me to be. (That’s so improbable. And after a lifetime of “wanting” to be unique! Tee hee…)
I feel a sinking in the pit of my stomach. I resent people who are better looking, more efficient, more evolved, less stressed. I feel constricted. I avoid direct connection with people, or I make the connection all about my presumed defects or about the ways i am hiding those defects. I miss the way i am in the moment. I abandon my sweet self, and then I feel de-motivated, disconnected, confused. (I get it, I am con-fusing my “self” in this moment with all the selves that I am not but maybe should be. I am con-fusing my “self” with the selves that I project other people are projecting on me. Of course I am confused.)
I feel fear and confusion, and I assume that means that there is something I cannot handle, and I avoid the things in front of me to do, and that “proves” to me that I am not the way I am supposed to be. “I should be doing xxx” and/or “I shouldn’t be feeling this way” or “I don’t want to do xxxx.”
I am preoccupied with justifying what I am doing or not doing and spend a lot of time thinking about what other people think and wondering if they are right. (!!!)
I worry that even if it is okay to be the way I am right now, I won’t be able to “get away with it” for long. I will be caught. There will be a price to pay (that I do not want to pay). I am hurting other people. People are worried about me.

Who would I be without the thought that I’m not beign the way I am supposed to be?
Storyless, at least without the story that there is a way I am supposed to be. (Another great one to investigate.) Peaceful. Honest (not propelled into trying to or wanting to be different from the way I am.) Present. Present. Present.
Turn Arounds
TA1:I am being the way I am supposed to be.
I stumble a little at the “supposed,” because it doesn’t quite make sense. How can I be supposed to be anything or any way? I’m just the way I appear to be… And I am the way I am.
TA2: I am not being the way I am not supposed to be.
Yes. Goofy as it may sound, I am not being the way I am not supposed to be. I’m just being. (IIT?)
TA3: I am not being the way he, she, it, or you are supposed to be.
Yes. I am not being taller than I am or shorter than I am. I am not being “nicer” than I am. I am not being smarter or crankier than I am.
TA4: You are not being the way I am supposed to be.
Bingo. Gold mine. I am the one who is sleeping in (or not) and you are the one who is sleeping in (or not). Whatever, YOU are not being the way I am supposed to be, so there is no reason to believe that I am supposed to be like you. If you are 6 feet tall and I am 5 foot 2, you are supposed to be taller and I am supposed to be shorter. If you are happy and I am sad, you are not being the way I am supposed to be. Etc. Bottom line for me: Supposing that I know how you are supposed to be doesn’t help me realize what I am.
TA5: I am not supposed to be being different.
Self evident, except when it’s not. 😉
TA6: You are not supposed to be the way I am.
Again, Bingo. That feels freer, truer, easier.